"Are you OK?" is a normal question in Australia. If you say you're not OK, someone actually listens. In a lot of Chinese and Hong Kong circles, mental health is still something people avoid, or even joke about. For migrants in midlife, that gap matters, because this is exactly when the pressure piles up.
I talked about this first on my Cantonese podcast, Brisbane真好. The video has English subtitles and an English audio track.
I called it a midlife crisis episode, but it isn't really about midlife. It's about mental health. And I'm serious about it.
Why is mental health still a joke in some circles?
Because some people use the words without meaning them. A while ago I was in a circle where people kept saying how much they cared about mental health. Then they'd turn it into a punchline.
And this was at a very official event. I had to raise it with the people in charge and talk it through. I was really serious about it.
What does "Are you OK?" mean in Australia?
It means someone wants a real answer. Australia even has a national day for it: R U OK? Day, on the second Thursday of September every year, which started in 2009. People ask, and the main thing is, they genuinely care.
Here, if you say you're not OK, someone listens. They take it seriously.
Why is midlife harder for migrants?
Because two kinds of pressure land at the same time. Migrants already face a bigger challenge, especially when you feel disconnected from the society around you. Then midlife arrives on top of it.
Your body slowly starts to decline. The pressure keeps building. Around that time I wrote a song called 我係中年人, "I'm a Middle-Aged Man" (made with AI, don't worry). It's about exactly that kind of pressure and that kind of life.
Some doctor friends told me the body changes in midlife because of chemical changes, and that men go through a kind of menopause too. The medical picture is gentler than the word suggests. Testosterone tends to fall slowly, about 1% a year after 40, not suddenly the way menopause happens for women. Still, put all of it together and you can feel like you're facing a lot at once.
Then there are the kids. Raising children in another culture is hard enough. In midlife they grow up and hit their rebellious years, and you wonder what to do. I wrote more about that in Raising Kids in Brisbane as First-Generation Migrants.
Why don't Chinese migrants talk about mental health?
From what I've seen, hardly anyone in Chinese circles here cares about it, and in Hong Kong culture it's close to taboo. That's my feeling, anyway.
A friend of mine used to work at Castle Peak, Hong Kong's biggest psychiatric hospital. My friend told me that whenever the topic came up, people would smirk. And then asked me: what's so funny?
I think we shouldn't bring that attitude over here. That's why I'm writing about it.
Did COVID make it easier to see a psychologist?
Yes, for a while. During COVID, Medicare's Better Access scheme doubled the number of subsidised psychology sessions to 20 a year. With a mental health plan from your GP, you could see a psychologist, and some friends of mine thought it was great value. You could just talk.
You didn't have to take pills, so people felt it was harmless. Someone to talk to. Honestly, that's pretty good. Because it felt like a good deal, people were more open about it.
Lately there's less of it. The extra sessions ended after 2022, and it's back to up to 10 individual sessions a year. It's supply and demand.
Why is it "normal" only when lots of people need help?
Because people follow the crowd. Some people are starting to talk about mental health now, but not much. I think it will grow as more people face it. A year or two ago, a big wave of new migrants arrived in my circle, and suddenly everyone talked about settling in. Later, maybe another wave will talk about midlife and migration.
It's actually kind of funny. When only I needed it, nobody talked about it. When a whole crowd needs it, it's suddenly taken seriously.
If only you need help, you're "not normal". If lots of people need it, it's normal.
So what can we actually do?
Treat it as normal, and take it seriously. Check in on the people around you and ask, "Are you OK?" Then listen to the answer.
A company I used to work for had a culture that really supported this.
If you need to talk to someone in Australia: Lifeline 13 11 14, Beyond Blue 1300 22 4636, or call 000 in an emergency. TIS National (131 450) can get you a free interpreter, including Cantonese and Mandarin.
Is there someone you've been meaning to ask? Or has someone asked you, and it helped? I'd like to hear from you on the contact page.
More in the Midlife for Men series: Why Middle-Aged Men Feel Lost (And Why You're Not Alone) and Midlife Lesson: Learning to Be Kind to Yourself. For a quiet walk, try the UQ Lakes jacarandas gallery.
Sources (checked 4 November 2026): Department of Health, Disability and Ageing, Better Access FAQ (May 2026); R U OK?; Mayo Clinic on age-related testosterone decline. AI helped with the research. This is general information, not medical advice.
This is a personal reflection. The images were made locally with Qwen Image 2.1, and AI helped me edit the English.
